No Soliciting Sign

I have had a small sign posted in the window by the front door for years. It says, very simply, “No Soliciting”.

Every solicitor and door-to-door evangelist or canvasser on the planet ignores the sign.

I now have a larger sign in the window. Bold. Clear. Red and White. Let us hope it garners more attention.

However, what I really need is a huge banner, unfurled somewhere near the mailbox, perhaps even completely obscuring the front porch. The banner would read “No Soliciting”, in big red letters, but it would also contain the following, in smaller print:

We honor your religious views and your spiritual calling.

We currently subscribe to more newspapers and magazines than we can read.

We shampoo our own carpets.

We believe in a higher power.

We support—yea, even demand—democratic process.

We know about global warming; we're trying to lessen our footprint.

We are trying to get rid of stuff, not acquire more.
We drive as little as possible (because it is expensive).
We are taxpayers, and we like it that way.
We are activists.
We help our neighbors.

We are community volunteers.

We give food to the Food Bank.

We give clothing to the Shelter.
We support ASPCA.
We shop locally.
We recycle, repurpose and reuse and reduce.
We honor the Union label, and prefer it to Made In China.

We buy Girl Scout Cookies from Girl Scouts we know.

We give what money we can to just causes.
We are tired, downtrodden, poor and harassed.
We have to listen to the whine and hum of machinery all day, everyday.

We consider our home to be a retreat from all that and, with all due respect, from you.

We did not ask you to come with literature and a pitch for money.

We don't care that you have a license from the city to be doing what you are doing.
We do not have money for you.

We wish you well, but please, respect our privacy and leave us alone!

We give you our blessing to try your luck down the road!