There is an undercurrent among the sea of averageness. Can
you feel it? This undercurrent is described in various ways, but the word
“elitism” seems to appear with some frequency.
The unfortunate truth is that we unwittingly promote and
comply with the spread of elitism.
Here is an example. Parents of boys who want to play
baseball sign their sons up for Little League. The Little League mission is
stated on their website:
Through
proper guidance and exemplary leadership, the Little League program assists children
in developing the qualities of citizenship, discipline, teamwork and physical
well-being. By espousing the virtues of character, courage and loyalty, the
Little League Baseball and Softball program is designed to develop superior
citizens rather than superior athletes.
Parents read this statement and they think they are getting
their boys in on the ground-floor of an equal playing field, one where their
sons will have an equal opportunity to learn the sport and improve their
skills.
Sadly, the reality is that there is no equal playing field.
My own son played in Little League for three years. For him,
they were three years of hell.
He joined because his friends were in Little League. He
wanted to play ball. He wanted to play ball with his friends. He never ended up
on a team with a single one of his friends.
He started in the whole Little League thing late, as a 10
year old. Fortunately, he has great hand-to-eye coordination. He learned the
game, not without some struggle, and many times without any encouragement from
teammates. In fact, most of the time, my son was shunned by his teammates, or
key teammates, at least.
What do I mean by key teammates? Key teammates are the
coaches’ sons and the friends of the coaches’ sons. How does this work? Well,
the key players are always put at the top of the batting line-up, no matter
what. The key players are placed in in-field positions that they own all season
long. The rest of the team is filled out with boys that do not get the
attention or the opportunity to show any talent or skill; if these “filler
boys”—by this, I mean all the other kids that are selected to fill out the team
roster—show talent, they are shuffled to either far left or right field, or
they warm the bench. There is no meritocracy; these “filler boys” are only
there to fill out the roster, so that the key teammates can play games and be
stars.
What I am saying here is outrageous. Many people will object
strenuously to my observations, perhaps because they have not had the same experience
with their sons. I am happy everyone has not had the same experience my son
did. I can also report that my son is not the only boy to experience the worst
that Little League has to offer.
How could such a scenario, as I have briefly described, happen?
The answer is quite simple: the program is run by parent volunteers, whose sons
are enrolled in the program. Everyone from coaches and score-keepers to umpires
and the mom that runs the snack bar, and don’t forget the parent whose business
sponsors the team. Look carefully. At the end of the year, when the awards are
handed out, see whose children receive the sportsmanship awards (it was so
blatant in our case—all four sons from one family received the sportsmanship
awards), see whose parents receive the volunteer awards.
Sour grapes? Well, it only dawned on me, after my son played
summer recreation ball in another town, having a great time and becoming a
skilled player, that there was something seriously wrong. I mean, why would a
coach bench a player who is good? One who can catch the ball and make plays?
Why would a good batter be buried far down in the batting order? Why would kids
who cannot catch the ball be placed in positions like shortstop and third base (as happened on my son's team last year),
and never rotated out?
It all makes sense when you understand who makes up the
inner circle. The key players have a sense of entitlement. They know that they
own their infield positions. They know they own their batting order spots. They
know that they do not have to worry about anyone upstaging them. The sense of
entitlement extends to teasing, shunning, even bullying other kids on their
team. The kids that are treated to this have to shut up and take it, if they
want to play ball. But these boys don’t really get to play ball; they are just
filler. The inner circle boys are treated to extra coaching. Extra practices
are extended to everyone, but, mostly, at the last minute, so if you have a
prior commitment, too bad. From
another parent, I found out that the inner circle on his sons’ team all went
camping together, and had done for years.
Unwittingly, we parents who are not coaching or volunteering
in some other big way for the league can report the same experience for our
sons as that I described above. Unwittingly, we are paying to have our sons
marginalized, even picked on. We are financing the entitlement of a few and the marginalization of a broader group.
The point must be made, with Little League as an example.
Now, I’ll ask you to extrapolate. If it is happening in
Little League, chances are, it is happening in the local soccer league. So,
where else is it happening? Chances are, it is happening higher up the chain
than kids sports groups. How much are you paying to enable the abuse of your
good will?
I am asking you to look at the systems you pay into through a
different lens. You may be surprised by what you observe. And you may be
further surprised to realize that you are paying into systems that give you the
short end of the stick, while maximizing benefits to a small group of certain others.
I do not suggest that we all take on the mantle of
bitterness over these circumstances, merely that we look more carefully at such situations
and learn from them.
I told my son that I was sorry his experience had been so
poor; it had taken me three years to figure out this whole thing and see how it
really worked. My son ended his Little League career as a champion. The driven
coaches and their key player sons really went to town! Alas, my son didn’t care
about the first place trophy; all he wanted do was to burn the shirt contained
his name and the names of all his tormenters.
I told my son that his experience was unfortunate, and we
were sorry that we couldn’t do anything to improve his situation. We had spoken
to the coach this year about the bullying, and, in the nicest possible way, he
first did not “believe it”, and then claimed my son must have done something to bring it on himself.
Isn’t that called “Blame the Victim”? At one point, my son went to one of the assistant
coaches and told him that his son was picking on him. The assistant coach told
my son “get better, and he’ll stop.” First of all, asserting that my son was a
bad player (or at least not as good a player as his son); second of all, letting my son know that he would not censure his
son’s behavior; third of all, condoning the behavior.
I told my son that he has to learn how to deal with all
types of people and situations. Sometimes, this learning process is not pleasant.
I signed him up for summer recreation ball in a
neighboring town. He’s having a good time. I suggested that he might consider continuing
with recreational baseball, bypassing Babe Ruth League. If he keeps playing, he
could tryout for the high school baseball team.
Meanwhile, I find it disturbing that this is the kind of society we live in. The inner circles make
themselves the elite and cut everyone else out of the good stuff, as far as
they can. These inner circles move concentrically outward from Little League
and soccer to the School Board, your local Municipal government, the Police and
Fire Unions, the Democratic or Republican Parties, Wall Street, and so on. Get
the picture? This ethos has nothing really to do with volunteer organizations,
but it does seem to figure into absolutely every aspect of our culture that
involves some sort of prize to be won,
whether it is a trophy or a government contract. The extent to which this can be done depends on how much oversight there is. Most of the time, there is very little.
Meanwhile, back on the Little League fields, adults are
modeling the very worst behavior and ethics; and they are passing them on by
example to their children, and maybe even to yours. On Your Dime. And using your children to reap rewards
for their own.
Think about that.
Don’t be silent; speak out.
You never know who you will help by being aware, by getting
more involved, and by sharing information.
